"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, no more" => if you remembered this Haddaway's song from the initial 90s, no, this post has nothing to do with it.
This is a scientific view of what love is, as well as my interpretations obtained by probingly thinking.
Unfortunately, little do we know about ourselves, the nature of the human being. We spend most of our lifetime searching for happiness, ways to achieve it and maintain it, though without ever asking if that is what we are supposed to do or what happiness truly is. Well, we are tempted to do it, after all, it makes us feel good, but without perception, we are directed to do it by religion, society standards and all sorts of influences, a process that first initiates when we are children and begin to perceive the world, learning about it.
I would not talk about this if I did not see any critical problem in it, the lack of knowledge about our human nature, even if that had to be only physically related. Due to that ignorance, human life is commanded by an inexistent world of fantasy, fostered since our childhood. As a result, also, we undergo a lot of emotional suffering which are completely unnecessary.
What do we start learning when we are children and may permeate throughout our existence, till our final days?
- By direct experience, we learn what happiness and sadness are;
- We associate happiness with love, and we establish a connection between this feeling and another human, taking it as the source of love;
- By direct experience, we learn what feelings are, both good and bad ones, and we allow them to command our behavior in daily life;
- Girls begin to learn that there exists a prince somewhere in the world that is their real match;
- Boys begin to appreciate girls' bodies, visually, urging for touches, and surrendering to that associated feeling that rises alongside, dreaming too much about it;
- In lots of societies, also with religious influence, we learn that a couple (a man and a woman) must love each other uniquely, they must swear in church to love each other unconditionally and forever, signing a union contract;
- As adults, we begin to discover and just wonder what orgasm is, practically everyone searching for it through sexual intercourse practice (you think "how could it be different?");
- Lots spend a long part of their lives seeking their right match;
- Some of the youth believe it is impossible to love more than a person in life, till they finally grow up and find out otherwise;
- When we are committed, we force our partners to be loyal, we oblige that, urge it, through jealousy attacks sometimes;
- We expect to be loved just as we give love, at the same rate and proportion;
- When we feel the thrill of observing an attractive woman or man, we tend to surrender to it and forget about its understanding. Some people go beyond, to the bathroom;
- A highly attractive woman, to men, may be immediately and unconsciously treated as a sexual object, a source of physical satisfaction, but never cogitating anything about the nature of such a natural behavior;
- We all have dreams and aspirations, all based on feelings. Most things in life depend on how we feel, if an idea makes us feel comfortable, we are able to determine new paths and future goals in our lives, as well as rejecting, refuting anything associated with what makes us feel uncomfortable;
- Some humans, the majority are women as I see, lead a life that is poorly based on reasoning, their attitudes are illogical, rendering it impossible to comprehend them sometimes. That impossibility is owing to the fact that their day-to-day actions, attitudes, thoughts, speeches, are all based directly on what they feel rather than reasoning or any logical flux. For some of them, it all depends upon how they wake up on a given day; for another given day, their speech and actions may be completely contradictory and opposing to the ones of the other day, everything because they were feeling differently on those given days. Some people do not mind about this, but the more logical ones like me certainly does it and try to understand this inconsistency of personality, everything guided and determined by the feeling of the day.
- Some say "Love is something to be felt, not to be understood";
- Some also say "We do not choose when or whom to fall in love with, it just happens";
- Etc.
As you can see, all the examples above are feelings related. Feelings are such an important subject since they guide the course of our lives too greatly, what certainly classifies us as humans. Nevertheless, it is worth remembering that most of our pains are related to them as well, not physical, but psychological and emotional suffering, the type of suffering that dominates mankind in all parts of the globe, thanks to the ignorance thereof.
These two common sayings, "Love is something to be felt, not to be understood" and "We do not choose when or whom to fall in love with, it just happens", at least here where I live in, Sao Paulo, it is frequently heard, it is just a real proof of the ignorance about ourselves, and a sign of the frustrating inability to know and have control over ourselves. Are you happy with that slavery, slave to yourself, your non-sense body signs and circumstances of life? Are you not supposed to comprehend yourself and have the control of it as much as possible? My answer is certainly "no" to the first question, and "yes" to the second, I see it all as feasible, but it is impossible for those ones concerned only about feeling rather than understanding, to those ones who surrender to a feeling just because it pleases and are unable to see through it. What is the implication? Naturally, suffering, sooner or later will manifest, but it will never be understood and avoided, never eradicated easily, and the ignorance will be holding breath with its associated emotional pain. In other words, I see it is possible to lead a more stable life, without the amount of ups and downs we currently observe, guided by uncontrolled feelings and emotions.
Some days ago, I found out that love is nothing else than the action of hormones in our body, our brain chemicals in activity. I do not know about you, but to me, to know that is revolutionary, knowing about this is sufficient to change the course of life of a human being, it is enough to unlearn all the white lies we have been told since our childhood and the false perception of the world as outlined by the examples above. Check this out:
- Did you know that fidelity may be associated with hormones?
- Did you know that the intensity of your love is associated with the level of production of certain hormones you produce?
- Did you know that the bond between a mother and its child is also strengthened by the presence of certain hormones?
- Did you know that orgasm is not a magic or an out of the world experience, but rather, the release of certain hormones in the body?
- Did you know that your daily bliss or sadness is also associated with hormones?
- Did you think your choice of a lover was based on sanity or you had control over it? You may be mistaken...
- Etc.
Let us go beyond that:
- Did you know that your dreams and aspirations may be determined the the chemistry of your body?
- Did you know that love is not a magic and divine feeling, it is more ordinary than you have ever conceived, also possible to be manipulated by chemistry?
- Did you know that orgasm may not be related to a sexual partner, but yes to the amount of certain substances in your body, being possible to be incited by chemistry?
- Have you ever considered that it is bullshit to swear eternal loyalty to a partner because that may not depend on will only, but most on the chemistry of the body, something that varies from person to person and over the course of time?
- Did you know that most people call someone Mister/Misses Right because of what is felt at the moment of speech, but that feeling is not everlasting since it depends on chemical composition of the body, something that is naturally undergoing changes?
- Have you ever asked yourself about the inconsistence of thoughts of some women as being related to a more uncontrolled hormonal activity in comparison with men's? Why do their words have different meanings and importance on different days, with a funny joke seen as unfunny on the next day?
- Do you appreciate an attractive body? Have you ever wondered the inner thrill you feel is dependent on hormones? How much did you think it was something sane? How sane/stupid are you, man, when you bully someone because you believe he should be as sexually attracted by women’s body as you?
- Do you not comprehend why the relationship between certain children and their mothers are not as intense as you think it should be?
- Have you ever considered that evil people, guided by disgust in life, may not be simply motivated by an evil mind or poor education as we naturally think?
- Why does love fade away along the time? Does that depend solely on your or on your partner’s will?
- Can you imagine how silly of us being jealous can be?
- Have you ever thought that many men may pay more attention to the effects of its hormonal activity than to their partners, thus making them truly appreciative of the hormonal thrill instead of the partner, prompting them to be less loyal, ending up being body attracted instead of partner attracted?
- Have you gotten old and love is gone, only respect remains? Do you wonder why?
- Do you not think sanity of mind can be related to a more controlled hormonal activity? What to think about people who act on a whim and unreasonably, like following instincts (according to what is felt)?
- Hey, wait a moment! Love and other feelings have always been treated as something immaterial, but is that really true? Could love be molecules (hormones), as well as other feelings?
- Etc.
Well, now I think you have notion why I consider that discovery just revolutionary. Indeed, we can go too much beyond if we dedicate some more attention to this matter.
Mankind leads life all immersed in fantasy rather than reality, and the nature of such fantasy always remaining obscure, unfolded, hidden. We are told to love, just because it is good, but what is love? We surrender to what is good experiencing without ever questioning about it. Our ignorance about ourselves brings on inability to comprehend the source of much of our emotional and unnecessary pains.
Regarding what I said above, related to the behavior of a lot of women around,
"Some humans, the majority are women as I see, lead a life that is poorly based on on reasoning, their attitudes are illogical, rendering it impossible to comprehend them sometimes. That impossibility is owing to the fact that their day-to-day actions, attitudes, thoughts, speeches, are all based directly on what they feel rather than reasoning or any logical flux. For some of them, it all depends upon how they wake up on a given day; for another given day, their speech and actions may be completely contradictory and opposing to the ones of the other day, everything because they were feeling differently on those given days. Some people do not mind about this, but the more logical ones like me certainly does it and try to understand this inconsistency of personality, everything guided and determined by the feeling of the day. ",
my interpretation of the situation is explained by the adjective "haphazard" and its synonyms, that describes that scenario properly "random, unplanned, unsystematic, unmethodical, disorderly, irregular, chaotic, arbitrary, aimless, casual, careless, accidental, etc.", an inconsistency of thoughts and respective actions over the course of weeks or maybe days (the consistency does not last as long as the ones of more logical people). Usually, they see/hear/touch, feel, and react, with little reasoning in it; Depending on the hormonal condition of the day, that feel part assumes other states and produce reactions unmatched to the ones of the previous day. Then many men come up and say: "it's impossible to understand women!". Actually, not only lots of women, but sensitive people in general, highly controlled by feelings/hormones (as a matter of fact, uncontrolled).
Have you felt motivated to delve deep into this new world of knowledge? If so true, you had better read what I have read and some similar content, available on the internet today.
First of all, look at this article about the hormone Oxytocin, what was being discovered in 1999:
Look at this envisaged future for mankind too:
Did you know that some people envisage a future wherein mankind will not need to undergo pain, both physically and emotionally?
Did you know that some folks see as feasible a future where our bodies will be treated as a biological program, programmable, and we would be able to program it so as to control DNA characteristics and all the chemistry that determines our "state of mind and soul"? Nanotechnology, Biotechnology and the like will be far more controlled than it is today, and love, orgasm, happiness will be far more enriched and enhanced than it is possible to conceive today, artificially controlled. Look at this:
Did you know that, when it comes to conquering someone's heart, what you say is what matters least? Did you know that there is a recipe to fall in love (oh, how magic and divine this is)? Did you know that?
- 55% is through body language
- 38% is the tone and speed of their voice
- Only 7% is through what they say
Look at this wonderful article, The Science of Love, I do recommend reading this one:
Also, the list of hormones involved with feeling in love is described here:
Yeah man, in the future people will probably buy love in drugstores, will have orgasm without sex since it can be uncorrelated. If you really want an "eternal" partner, maybe that'll be guaranteed.
Despite all that, I think the most important of all in it is the necessity to unmask the illusion, the illogical and unreal love fantasy we learn when we are children and sometimes, we dye with those things still in mind. In the past, I spent many years of my life with a strong idea of what love is, how magical and divine such a sensation was, still believed in the ideal match, divinizing a special girl, always clinging to false conceptions and ignorance, wrong perception of the world as it is. I see that we have 2 choices:
1) To solely be concerned about being happy, to live for that goal. These folks never know a thing about their nature as a human being, it is all based on guessing and the truth varies from person to person, depending on how things are felt and this way assimilated. This should not be reliable parameters for learning, every human being, though similar, has different hormonal activity and that ultimately determines our assimilation, our fondness, liking, aspirations, desires, observations, etc. thus everybody ends up with their unique truths instead of a universal truth valid to everybody independently on one’s mood.
I do not deny how good it is to surrender to the good, but as time goes by, more and more I am inclined not to surrender blindly to anything in life, it is crystal clear that this may lead to stupid states and actions, mistakes, emotional pain, inflicted suffering on you and your partner. These folks suffer, but they are unable to comprehend how certain things are unnecessary, as well as how to avoid or skip them.
2) To seek to comprehend the world just as it is. If you are able to renounce surrendering blindly to the pleasures of life, both the physical sensorial one (through the five senses) and the emotional one, you may be able to see through it, to go one step further and become more knowledgeable about the underpinnings of the human being. If knowledge is a trigger to satisfaction to you, you are eligible to follow this path more easily.
Actually, you can combine both choices, dosing them in right amounts in the course of your learning experience of what life is.
Summing up,
Love is not divine, and may be as material and ordinary as the water we drink! We are not half of what we think we are! You feel love as divine, you attempt to make it so, but nothing do you know about the consistency of such a thing. That false assimilation makes you treat someone as a deity, but that one is not more important than any other person in the world. With this in place, all the love fantasy and dreams you develop are rendered nonsense. You love someone because your brain chemistry dictates that, and if you think a little bit deeper about it, you will understand that your “Mr. / Ms. Right” can be anybody in the world, there is no somebody unique to whom you are united by fate and will turn up sooner or later in your life.
Sometimes, a mere smell is able to awaken fantasy in your mind and trigger circulation of hormones in your body, and you, poor one, fall in love or feel sexually attracted without comprehending what is going on. At times, a mere look at a slim body does the same. Lucky you if that is an appropriate person, otherwise, blindly, you may be insisting on someone unworthy of your attention, and you will carry on with that for long because you deeply believe in your "divine" feelings that reveal to you what to do. Oh, come on, now you know what it is... If a mere smell or look can captivate your attention so as to transform yourself and originate such a surge of uncontrolled feelings, without any command of yours, completely misdirected, you definitely have to learn more about yourself, but you do not learn this at school or at home, especially soap-operas that indirectly dictates human's behavior.
Depending on the concentration of Oxytocin and other chemicals in your body, you are able to love the whole world boundlessly and the only thing that dictates you must “belong” to one person only may be your religion, your selfishness, or an idea assimilated when still a little kid that perpetuates throughout life. Your partner may have lower levels of Oxytocin compared to yours, so is it really fair to demand the same level of loyalty from him/her? When a kid, you learned it must be demanded, but now you know why that may not happen and you can start to wonder if you are doing the right thing. Among the animals, humans are the only ones that set up the virtual contract that reads “you must belong to me only.”
In the future, perhaps we shall be able to love mankind as a whole instead of fostering great feelings exclusively for a partner, what is certainly selfish of us. Maybe, as those web sites aforementioned tell us, mankind will have more control of its emotions, pain, dictate what wants to feel and in what amount, buying happiness in the drugstore once we know what triggers it, after all, it is all chemistry, atoms and molecules that make us feel on cloud nine, exhilarated, as much as illegal drugs can do.
Do I have anything against love? No, I do not, but I do favor opening up our eyes to the truth of our existence, I am an eternal truth hunter through the light of comprehension. I do not live to be happy and this is it. I see life as something much more meaningful, a real set of opportunities, avenues to go through, a great chance to enrich ourselves with knowledge and mindfulness that ought not to be missed. Sometimes, I also think that we should not waste so much time in the pursuit of happiness, of a partner, especially if we are naturally not unhappy, and there is no realistic law that determines our path to happiness is through the opposite sex. Does it make sense to lead a life with the sole purpose of igniting your hormones for personal satisfaction? Now that I know the key influence of chemistry in the composition of our happiness, much of the illusion developed since I was a child has been pushed aside. I feel more independent and strong inside, and the best, without depending on anyone to make me so. Our time in this world is limited, and it should be better utilized for something more useful such as understanding oneself, the proper existence, having the command of it, and why not, to endeavor to seek the reasons behind our existence in this universe, our destination and best path to follow. Some people prefer just to be happy, to maintain pleasant hormonal activity on and on... I do not!
I just hope to have 100% control over my feelings and how I react to them in the coming years. I have already succeeded in it to a great extent, by opening my eyes to its real nature through the light of Buddhism. Now, with this scientific view of feelings together, I am probably going to be more successful in heading to 100% in the coming years.
Do you think I am crazy with all that above? Haha, I will not believe it unless you convince me with solid argumentation, otherwise, to me, your certainty will remain blind, guided by what you feel, therefore, without sense, mutable and uncontrolled. Some people feel and utter; some people think and talk. When the search for clarity is what matters, the latter is my option. I know certain things are uncovered by reasoning, requiring a different way for learning, but we are definitely not talking about this here.
Ah, time has shown me that there are two types of people with whom my relationship is too hard to maintain, the ones of BIG ego and the highly sensitive ones. Why? I'm usually very logical and I like to get down to the core of everything.
- The big ego ones usually begin to refute questions earlier and assume I'm challenging them for a battle when not, and sparks go off; the ignoramus of this category want to emotionally be correct in what they say, sometimes speaking louder than you. I try to be logical, I do not accept that behavior of theirs, and sparks go off again;
- The highly sensitive ones (a lot of women unfortunately, some men included) time and again lack sense to me. Whereas I search for clarity in everything, they get lost in despair or vanity within their emotional universe, and they come up so fiercely with bullshit, trying to make me comprehend what makes no sense at all. The same holds true for some men of this category. As I see, intelligent and well educated women are usually more logical and have a behavior that I do appreciate, without emotional hysteria, without getting sunk in their own tears. Also, these folks get easily hurt by me, not because I hurt them, but rather, because they are way too much sensitive and assessing their own little reasoning makes them feel down, and they assume I always want to be superior to them, when actually, I just want to get down to the core of what we think and speak.
How to keep the hormones under control? Medicines or self-awareness? I think medicines are for extreme cases, and I do think that mankind terribly knows nothing about itself, what calls for self-awareness. Fortunately, my insatiable search for resolution of my inner problems (lots of them emotionally related), started almost 10 years ago, found its way through the light of Buddhism and Gnosis. Those things direct you to your inner being, makes you survey your inside universe and comprehend yourself better, weaknesses and strengths, and little by little human life is understood, and we learn to identify the nonsense in us, control it, and consciously change it, purging the emotional illusions. This has been working for me. If it does not work for you, there should be another way, but I am pretty sure that any way you choose something is mandatory: willpower (this is not asking God to help you, this is an inner action, self motivation).
I wish enlightenment to all you, may we be rid of suffering and illusions in our lives, it is my wish to all sentient beings!
Regards!
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Special thanks to my teacher at the university, Carlos Alberto Bautzer, the one who mentioned in class "Love is chemistry, have you ever heard of Oxytocin?" This revolutionary sentence prompted me to do some research and begin to see the world of feelings with a different and more realistic perspective, eradicating the illusions and fantasy that lead us to unnecessary pain and unrealistic conceptions. Truly, life is not fairy-tale, and though we say we know it, we do not experience that truth, but I shall try to make it differently.
Thank you man!
